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Intentional Grandparenting
By Peggy Edwards
and Mary Jane Sterne
Our Grandparenting
10 principles for outstanding grandparenting
September 2008 • 42 • Fifty-Five Plus Magazine
Four years ago,we wrote a book on grandparenting
for the boomer generation, those of us born
between 1946 and 1964. At the time we had 12
grandchildren between us, now we have 19. We wrote
the book because we realized how different our experience
of grandparenting is from that of our parents.We
also wrote it because we are best friends and love discussing
our children and grandchildren. The book is
based on ten principles for being an intentional (substitute
“conscious”) grandparent.
Many of our monthly columns are based on these
principles and we thought we would share a summary
of the ten principles with you.We both agree that some
of them are easier to follow than others and we need to
be gentle with ourselves if we aren’t always the kind of
grandparent we would like to be. Is there anything you
would add to our list? Let us know.
Ten Principles
1 Determine the kind of grandparent you want
to be. Be an intentional grandparent. Intentional grandparenting
is planning ahead and taking deliberate
action to be the kind of grandparent you want to be.
You can do this by reflecting on your own experience
as a grandchild; thinking about your stand on key issues
such as babysitting, gift-giving and how often you want
to see your grandchildren.Talk with your adult children
about what they would like. Write the eulogy you
would like your grandchild to give when you die.
2 Respect and support the parents. Respect and
support means being there emotionally and practically
for your adult children and their partners, without giving
unsolicited advice. Developing a trusting relationship
with the parents improves the probability that you
will also have a loving relationship with your grandchildren.
Parents sometimes feel vulnerable and lack confi-