megram - Index

megram - 55JunOttawa - Index

Intentional Grandparenting
By Peggy Edwards
and Mary Jane Sterne
In Praise of Grandpa
Grandfathers are more active today than ever
June is an excellent month to dedicate our column to
grandfathers. The only grandfather I knew died at the
age of 65 when I was 19. He was a gentleman, a gentle
man and my safe harbour. Like many grandfathers of his
day,however,Grandpa was more of a quiet,steady presence
in the background. He could be depended on for ice cream
sundaes, new clothes and “just slip this in your pocket”
loose change.
Grandfathers today, especially those of the boomer
generation, are healthier, are living longer, and are more
actively engaged with their grandchildren than any previous
generation.
Many of the boomer grandfathers we interviewed for
our book felt this was their second chance to experience
family life. They were often preoccupied and consumed
with their careers when their own children were young.
Now they take the time to walk their grandchildren to
school, drive them to soccer practice or spend an afternoon
helping little ones catch frogs. Their patience and
ability to be present often surprises and delights these
modern grandpas. And some can actually change a poopy
diaper, should there be absolutely no other option.
The grandfathers we talked to also expressed admiration
and respect for their sons in their role as fathers. Often
wistfully,they told us how much time their sons spend with
their children, how affectionate they are, how engaged.
Like modern parents, we grandmothers and grandfathers
are partners when it comes to our grandchildren.
We may enjoy doing different things with our grandchil-
June 2008 • 46 • Fifty-Five Plus Magazine
dren but we both take an active interest in spending time
with them and find creative ways to do so. Our friend
Tony decided to establish a special bond with his five
granddaughters (yes, you did read that right) in Israel and
created personalized children’s storybooks with photos
on his computer:
“I had a lot of digital photos from their all-to-rare visits
to Canada, so I thought I would try to write something
using those images. That way, the girls would have something
they could immediately relate to, and it would help
them remember not only their grandparents but also the
rather different scenery and way of life in Canada.
Starting with the images first made the storytelling
quite easy.I found simple but profound joy as I wrote,reliving
the wonderful memories of experiences we had with
them and their parents. And there was more joy and fun
when I was able to discuss the story with them over the
telephone after they had read it, to hear their excited reaction
first-hand,and answer their questions.They have asked
for more, and I have promised them there will be.”
For those grandfathers who are childless, this is wonderful
opportunity to establish yourself as a grandpa, and
not a “step.”Our friends Ann and Claude often talk about his
step-dad who always arrives with a special treat in his
pockets for each of their young sons, perhaps a toy car, a
small flashlight or a chocolate. Despite not having had children
of his own, he knows how to relate to these little fellows
on their level and they welcome his visits.
We authors talked to a few young parents recently